I. Liberty
"Isn't it a little late to be out on a school night?" the man asked, rubbing the back of Justin's neck. "Why don't you come home with me?" Justin pulled away.
"No thanks," he said, but the man followed him.
"Come on, it'll be worth your while," he said, his hand stroking Justin's arm. "I can show you the ropes. It'll be a fun time."
Justin was starting to wish he hadn't chosen this guy to ask his questions. But the guy had been alone while everyone else was walking around in groups, and Justin was nervous enough.
He pulled his arm roughly out of the man's grasp.
"I said no thanks."
The man looked him up and down for another minute before dismissing him. "Run home to your mommy."
Justin moved away as quickly as he could without actually looking like he was running away. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all.
He wasn't sure where his next destination was, but he was pretty sure it didn't matter. It was all Liberty Avenue, right?
"Right," he whispered to himself, and straightened his shoulders.
He was about to cross an alley when a black jeep with two men in the front peeled out in front of him, nearly knocking him over.
"Asshole!" he called after the rapidly disappearing vehicle. Shit. He reached a streetlamp and leaned up against it, pulling out another cigarette. Maybe this really, really, hadn't been a good idea. He briefly considered just saying fuck it, and going home, but he hardened his resolve. If he went home tonight it might take him another few months to get up the courage to come back. Besides, he was on a mission. He was going to lose his virginity. Tonight. He saw guys checking him out, but he was waiting for the right guy. He wanted someone special. Someone fabulous. Someone amazing.
He was almost done with his cigarette when someone finally approached him.
"How 'bout we go get a drink," the guy asked directly. Justin looked him up and down. He wasn't bad, pretty cute actually. He was about Justin's height with dirty blonde hair and brown eyes. His body wasn't bad either. Justin met his eyes once again.
"Sure," he said. The guy led him further down the street. Justin briefly wondered how he was going to get into a bar, considering he didn't have an ID, but the guy he was following didn't look much older than him, so he didn't think he'd have a problem. The guy reached back and took Justin's hand in his.
"I'm Sam," he said.
"Justin." Justin gave Sam a shy smile and let him lead him into a bar. They made small talk at the bar, and had only finished one round when Sam asked him.
"So … do you wanna come back to my apartment?"
Justin hesitated for only a few seconds.
"Yeah."
Justin wasn't really nervous until they were fully naked and laid out on Sam's bed. They had made out for a while, which Justin liked, and their hands had roamed pretty much everywhere on each other's bodies. But once they were fully naked, Justin felt his stomach clench with nerves. Sam was stroking his back slowly.
"It'll hurt the first time. A lot. But it gets better." He used a lot of lube, but Justin was pretty sure it was the worst pain he had ever experienced. He squeezed his eyes shut and grabbed onto the sheet. "Relax," Sam whispered, wiping away a tear that Justin hadn't noticed. Justin tried, and eventually it wasn't that bad, not really.
The clock said 4:30, and Sam had fallen asleep a while ago. Justin looked at him sleeping naked underneath the sheet, the glow from the street lamp lighting his face.
He slipped out of bed and gathered his clothing, dressing silently. He could sneak into Daphne's room and she would give him a ride to school in the morning.
Justin walked out of the apartment and closed the door without a sound.
II. Hospital
The first thing he was aware of was the pain in his head; the second was his extremities. He wiggled his toes, feeling more like a kid than a father in the pleasure he got out of it. Then he moved on to his fingers, and that was when he felt the hand holding his. So he squeezed it.
"Brian, open your eyes," a voice said. The voice sounded familiar, but he couldn't place it. He would have to open his eyes to see who it was. It took a little effort on his part, but eventually light was seeping through the cracks in his eyelids. When he managed to open them all the way, it was to Justin looking down at him.
Now that his eyes were open, other things were starting to matter. Like what the hell happened? And what the fuck was he doing here?
"What the fuck am I doing here?" Damn. His voice sounded like shit, and his throat felt raw and scratched. Justin was looking at him with an inscrutable expression on his face, and it almost unnerved Brian because Justin was many things, but inscrutable wasn't one of them.
"Michael found you on the floor of the loft next to a toppled chair and a ripped silk scarf," Justin finally said in a flat voice. "The main problem was all the drugs you took, mixed with alcohol; they had to pump your stomach. You'll have a bump on your head from where you fell, but no concussion. Other than that, just bruises on your throat from the scarf."
The hand that Justin wasn't holding automatically went to his throat to feel. Right. The scarf. That's why it felt like shit.
"What day is it?" Brian noticed it was dark outside of the window behind Justin.
"Friday. Friday night," Just answered him in that same flat voice. Friday night. There was something about Friday night he should remember…
"What about prom?"
"FUCK Prom, Brian!" Justin stood up so abruptly his chair tumbled backwards and crashed into the ground. Brian could only blink in surprise at the younger man's sudden outburst.
"Do you have any idea how close you came to dying, Brian? You could be dead right now. If Michael hadn't found you, or if the scarf hadn't ripped – fuck!"
"That wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen," Brian finally answered. Justin's eyes narrowed.
"Fuck you! Fuck you." He pushed away from the bed and stood near the window. "What about Michael, huh? What if he'd had to find you dead? What do you think that would do to him? And what about …" Justin finally faltered in his tirade. "What about me? You think me having to sit through your funeral would be fun? Amusing?" Brian had pushed himself into a sitting position and now he offered up his response with the only defense left to him: Sarcasm.
"At least if I'd died, I wouldn't have to sit here and be fucking berated."
"Whatever Brian. You're lucky it's just me in here. Michael and Deb have been here since last night, too. I practically had to push Michael out the door to get some time alone with you. But he's fucking pissed, a lot more than I am, so just be thankful this is all you're getting right now. Actually, I should probably go tell them you're awake." But he made no move except to pick up the chair he knocked over earlier and sit back down. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Brian spoke up.
"What about Portland?"
"They postponed going until we know you're okay."
"Oh."
"I can't believe you pulled this shit Brian. What would I have done if you died?" Brian sighed and took Justin's hand again, missing the warmth of it, and purposely not wondering if it had any meaning.
"You would have been fine, eventually."
"Christ Brian, no I wouldn't have. Get it through your fucking thick skull. I'm in love with you. It's not a crush, it's not an infatuation, and I'm not too young to feel it. I'm really in love with you." Brian said nothing because he knew it was true, and he knew that Justin knew that his silence was acknowledgement.
"It's not like you running off to New York," Justin continued. "At least then I'd know you were alive." He stopped and looked Brian straight in the eye. "You're not old Brian. And killing yourself is a really stupid way to try for immortality." Justin stood and walked towards the door. "I should go tell everyone you're awake."
"Justin." He stopped, his hand on the doorknob and looked back. "Come here," Brian said and gestured to the chair. Justin slowly walked back, unsure of what Brian wanted. One hand took his, twining their fingers together again. The other wrapped around the back of his neck, pulling his face closer. Brian kissed him softly on the lips, then nudged him back into the chair. Justin lowered his head until it was resting on Brian's stomach and closed his eyes.
"I love you," he whispered.
"I know," Brian whispered back and kept running his fingers through Justin's hair. There would be plenty of time for thinking later. Right now he just needed this.
III. Debbie
Things were starting to slow down at the diner when Michael walked in alone. Debbie let Juanita know she was taking a break and sat down next to him at the counter. He looked less sad than he had for the last six days, and more troubled, so she knew it could only be one thing.
"I'm worried," he told her without any preamble. "I can't find Brian anywhere." Normally Debbie would be telling Michael to worry about himself and not Brian, but she was worried about Brian too. And she had some idea of where he was.
"You go on home," she said. "Brian knows how to get a hold of you when he needs you." Michael went without a single argument, and that told Debbie that he wasn't over it yet either. He'd be taking comfort in David tonight.
She begged off early and went to find Brian. She was risking being told to fuck off, but she wasn't going to let him drift away. No way. She parked outside of the cemetery and swallowed. She hadn't considered once that she wouldn't be strong enough for Brian, but just seeing the gates made her stomach clench in the same way it had three days ago. The last time she'd been here.
She found Brian where she knew he would be, laying on the ground next to the grave, an almost empty bottle of Jim Beam in his hand. It was a disturbing sight, Brian lying next to the mound of dirt that grass had yet to cover. Debbie hadn't been back here since the funeral. She suspected Brian had been here every night.
She didn't know what to say, so she just sat herself down on the ground next to Brian and looked at him.
"I know why you called him Sunshine," he said finally. He still wasn't looking at her. He was looking at the grave. "I never really got it, you know, why you called him that. Besides the blonde hair, I mean. But now I do." He reached out a hand as if to touch the dirt that covered the coffin, but it just hovered a few inches above it. Debbie wanted to reach out and pull it back, tell him not to touch it, but what good would that do? She was starting to believe that this was way beyond her ken.
"Said it was the best night of his life," Brian continued. "Then he walked away. But he turned back, you know. Turned back to me and smiled. Fuck." Debbie finally gathered the courage to venture a comment.
"Daphne said that when you two danced, you looked like you were in love." Brian took another drink and laid his head down. He reached out again and this time he didn't hesitate to touch the dirt of the grave.
"Even if it was ridiculously romantic," he murmured. Debbie didn't think he was talking to her.
"Brian, let me take you home." Brian just shook his head. "I know you loved him Brian. I know you loved him a lot. But just because he's gone, you can't wither up and die too."
"Says who?" he mumbled. Debbie almost laughed as she maneuvered herself so that she could put his head in her lap.
"Says me," she said gently. "Says Sunshine."
"Sunshine doesn't say anything. Sunshine's dead."
"Yes, he is. But if you think for one second that he'd like to see you dead just because he is, you're obviously not as smart as everyone gives you credit for." He didn't say anything, so Debbie continued. "Sunshine loved you, and he loved life. That means that you have to live life for him, because he can't. Now let me take you home. Then you'll call Michael, because he's worried sick. Then you'll get some sleep."
"No." Debbie started to protest, but Brian interrupted her. "I'll go home, just … not yet. I'm just gonna stay a little while longer." Debbie stood and walked away, unable to come up with any good parting advice.
She looked back for a minute at Brian, lying next to Justin's grave. And then she went home.
IV. Miami
"Oh my god, Brian. This is so amazing!" Justin practically bounced into the hotel room and threw his suitcase at the foot of the bed. He rushed to the window and opened the curtains. "You can see the water from here!"
"Yeah, I know. There's a balcony too. You can get to it from the other room." Justin looked back at Brian, still standing in the doorway with a small smile on his face.
"Is this where you stayed the last time you went to the White Party?"
"Yep," Brian smirked. "And they're very happy to have me back." Justin couldn't stop smiling.
"I bet," he said, and took Brian's bag from him. He put it by his and hurried back to the door. "Well let's go."
"Hold it Sunshine." Brian caught him by the waist and pushed him back into the room. "Where the fuck do you think you're going?"
"Shopping, sightseeing, etc," Justin answered. "We both still need clothes for Sunday, remember? And I thought we could find a wedding present for Lindsay and Melanie for next week while we're here."
"It can wait," Brian said firmly and slammed the door behind him. He pushed Justin slowly back to the bed, a predatory gleam in his eye.
"You know, we're going to be doing a lot of fucking this weekend," Justin told him. "We're not gonna have a lot of time later, what with all the fucking…" His protests died and he licked his lips when he saw the look in Brian's eyes.
"I already told you, there's no such thing as enough. Now shut up." He pushed Justin back on the bed and climbed over him, pinning his hands above his head. Justin moaned softly as Brian licked his way up his neck and began gently sucking on his earlobe. There was far too much clothing between them, so Brian pulled off Justin's t-shirt as quickly as he could and went back to attacking his neck and jaw.
Justin's hands moved to Brian's buttons, but Brian batted them away and held them above Justin's head once again.
"Don't move," he told him. Seeing a spark of defiance in Justin's eyes, he grinned ferally. "Or I'll have to tie you up." Defiance turned quickly to desire, and Brian smiled, then reached down to tug on Justin's nipple ring. He groaned, his eyes closing at the sensation, but his hands remained above his head.
Brian made quick work of Justin's pants and underwear, and let his eyes roam over the body spread out before him. Justin, his eyelids dropping with lust, could feel Brian's eyes on him like they were his fingers, and it made him harder, if that was even possible. Finally, Brian reached out to trail his hands up Justin's thighs and chest, then kissed him on the mouth, hard. He pried open Justin's mouth and offered his tongue, which Justin took greedily.
He could feel Brian everywhere: his tongue tasting every inch of his mouth, his fingers running through his hair, and his body covering every inch of his own. He knew Brian wanted to tease him, to draw it out, but from the way his hips were moving against Justin's thighs, he wasn't going to last that long.
Justin managed to rip his mouth away from Brian's and move his mouth towards his ear. "Brian please," he gasped, "fuck me now." He punctuated his words with a hard bite on Brian's earlobe. The hands in his hair clenched, and Justin moaned. Brian could feel it vibrate in his ear and it went straight to his dick. Fuck it, there would be plenty of time for teasing later.
Before Justin could even register Brian reaching away, he felt his cool, lube-slicked fingers sliding against his hole and plunging quickly inside. Involuntarily, he cried out and pressed down on them as hard as he could. Above his head, his hands scrambled for purchase, finally reaching the headboard, and holding on tightly.
Brian had only begun to feel Justin's muscles contract around his fingers when he pulled them out just as quickly. He waited a moment, just enough time for Justin to feel the loss before he ripped the condom package with his teeth, covered himself, and plunged back in.
It was a hard, fast fuck from start to finish. Brian felt all the energy leave him as he came, and collapsed onto Justin, pressing him into the bed with his weight. Justin slowly uncurled his fingers from the headboard, moving them around gingerly. He had been holding on so hard that they were stiff and sore. Brian was breathing into his neck, and he ran his fingers through the hair on the back of his neck lightly.
Justin had no idea how long they lay there, stuck together with sweat and cum, but he finally noticed by the slant of the light coming through the windows that the sun was setting.
"Hey Brian," he said, nudging him slightly. Brian made some indiscernible sound into Justin's skin that could have been, "what".
"Now can we go shopping?"
V. Bracelet
When he felt the tentative press of Justin's lips against his, all of his previous thoughts flew out the window. He had meant to say thanks, but time to go. He had meant to mention that Justin had a boyfriend, and hadn't he better be getting back to him? He had meant to do the right thing, but all those good intentions flew away with his thoughts.
His cock was rock hard just from the light brush of Justin's fingertips against his wrist as he had retied the bracelet, and feeling his lips after this long made his situation almost painful. He had responded to the kiss out of habit, he had really been too surprised to think before his actions, but Justin had felt his response and pushed past tentative and on to passionate and hard and hungry.
Brian took a moment to reflect on kissing Justin. It had only been a couple months since he'd last done it, not exceptionally long. So why did he feel like a thirsty man in the desert getting a sip of fresh, cool water after so long? Oh God, he thought vaguely as he buried his hands in Justin's hair, now I'm thinking in trite clichés, someone kill me now. But killing would have to wait until later – first he had to explore this new haircut. Marvel at how much he loved being able to clench handfuls of Justin's hair in his fists. He had to map Justin's body with his hands and rediscover every peak and valley of his body, and the way his skin felt and tasted.
He had a thought as they maneuvered themselves to the bed. It doesn't have to be so bad this time, he realized. Maybe he had taken Justin for granted, a little bit, before. So it wouldn't be too bad to make a few compromises for Justin, just to make him happy. They could renegotiate a few guidelines, and he'd try to make more of an effort to let Justin know he was wanted. They were naked now, and Brian briefly thought about telling Justin about his decision, but he was distracted by Justin's talented lips on his nipples.
There was plenty of time now, he thought as he let a moan escape his mouth. He'd tell him tomorrow, now that they had all the time in the world.
He hadn't really meant to let Justin fuck him, but that was just the way things ended up, and Brian couldn't remember a time when he was so turned on. He wasn't complaining, not with Justin so deep inside him he thought he might split apart. Right before he came he pressed his arms to the mattress and felt the shells of his bracelet dig into the flesh of his inner wrist, but then he wasn't thinking about his bracelet because he was coming so hard he couldn't think, period.
He felt himself dozing off. He pulled Justin close to him and opened his mouth to tell him all the things that would be different now, but all that came out was a muffled yawn. With Justin burrowing his face into his shoulder, he was asleep sooner than he thought.
When he woke up, Justin had gone.